It's easy when you wear the official, totally cool, New Times "Shred Happens" T-shirt.

This is not just any old T-shirt. No way. This is a deluxe, pre-shrunk, 99 percent cotton fashion statement unlike anything the world has ever seen. This is stylish apparel manufactured in the good old U.S. of A. by union workers who wouldn't dream of laboring overseas for 32 cents an hour.

The official Shredder shirt features a henley collar. It also features three (yes, three!) attractive buttons, each one carefully designed and manufactured, then placed in handsome boxes and sent from the button factory to the shirt factory where they're lovingly sewn on for maximum eye appeal and minimum hassle.

The official Shredder shirt has (of course) our peppy Shredder logo on the back for half the world to see, and the always-stylish-but-never-trendy New Times logo on the front for the other half.

The Shredder shirt was crafted to provoke the highest degree of outrage while using the most tasteful of ingredients its specially selected, metal-gray cotton fabric calls to mind angry Tasmanian office equipment and comes emblazoned in a rich burgundy, so reminiscent of dark wine or dried blood or whatever color the printer had on hand at the moment.

But this isn't a shirt to be worn by just anyone. No, it can only be worn by those few people willing to take $15 out of their pocket and give it to us.

Your very own Shredder shirt is waiting for you at the New Times office.

We're across from Santa Rosa Park in San Luis.

It's only $15.

And you're missing out if you don't drop by and buy one right now.